Of All the Coaches You Could Be…Don’t Be This One

There’s a certain kind of face people make when something unexpected happens at work.

You’ve probably seen it — or made it.

Eyebrows high. Mouth frozen. Brain screaming:

“What the heck just happened?”

But the lips say nothing, because we’re professionals... and professionals are polite. 😅

I was coaching a leader recently — sharp, experienced, high-capacity — and he described a moment like this. One of his managers totally missed the mark, and he just stood there. Silent. Processing.

I asked, gently: “What did you say in that moment?”

Long pause.

He hadn’t said anything.

No redirect. No question. No nudge.

Just silence in a moment that begged for leadership.

And I get it. Many of us were taught not to react too quickly, not to embarrass someone, to wait until the next 1:1. But here’s what I told him, and what I’ll offer to you:

Of all the kinds of coaches you could be... don’t be a tennis coach.

Tennis is one of the only sports where coaching during the match is banned.

Seriously — during gameplay, coaches have to just sit there. Hands folded. Lips zipped. Hoping for the best.

That might work at Wimbledon. But in leadership? It’s a surefire way to miss the moment that matters most.

Real Leaders Coach in Real Time

In every other sport, coaching is in the moment.

You fumble the ball? Your coach is in your ear before your cleats hit the sideline:

• “What did you see out there?”

• “Let’s adjust your stance.”

• “You’ve got this—stay with it.”

It’s immediate.

It’s constructive.

It’s often sweaty.

But most of all—it’s transformative.

At work? Work is no different.

A Gallup study found that employees who receive daily feedback from their manager are 3x more likely to be engaged than those who receive feedback once a year (or less).

Three times.

Not because we love criticism, but because we crave clarity.

We want to know: Am I on the right track? Do you see me? Does what I do even matter?

And here’s the kicker: they’re not waiting for your next calendar invite to find out.

The Leadership Moment Is Now (Not Later)

Here’s what coaching in the moment can look like:

• A redirect that’s kind, not corrective.

• A question that opens up insight: “Walk me through what you saw.”

• A small tweak or option: “Next time, try leading with this.”

• A reminder of what is working.

These don’t need to be long conversations.

In fact, the most powerful coaching often happens in 90 seconds or less. It’s not about big speeches. It’s about small moments of presence that add up to real growth.

But What If I Get It Wrong?

You won’t get it perfect. That’s okay.

This isn’t about being flawless—it’s about being faithful. Faithful to your team’s development. Faithful to the moment that’s unfolding.

And if you're worried about timing or tone, start here:

“Can I offer you something in real time while it’s fresh?”

That line disarms.

It dignifies.

And it invites the kind of conversation that builds both trust and capacity.

Because leadership isn't about watching from the stands. It’s about stepping in — with care, with clarity, and with courage.

Let’s Bring It Home

If you’ve been holding back — maybe out of habit, or fear, or just being tired — I see you.

You’re not alone.

This is your reminder that the very best leaders don’t wait for the perfect moment.

They create it.

So the next time your eyebrows are having that “what just happened” conversation?

Don’t wait for the one-on-one. Don’t save it for performance review season.

Say the thing.

Gently. Clearly. Kindly.

Because in that moment, you’re not just managing.

You’re shaping a leader.

And that’s the kind of coach worth becoming.